Heart of Worship

When the music fades, and all is stripped away, it’s all about You.

I’ve been serving on worship teams for something like ten years now. Now it is more as a musician leader, or sometimes a worship leader, but then I was just a singer. Seven years old, innocent, young, I sang with my whole heart. No one had problem with adjusting my volume, because I sang with all of my might, disregarding what anyone would think of how I sounded. Encouragement and praise was nice, but, honestly, they never really stuck. Because I wasn’t singing for those listening, I didn’t care much if they though it sounded nice, or even if their hearts we touched. Singing was about worship for me. Pouring out all of my heart and laying myself bare before my God, simply because He was good and worthy of it all.

But somewhere along the way I lost my hold on that beautiful simplicity, that tender devotion. Preparing for a set becomes so much more about chords and keys and sounds and styles, rather than sitting at Jesus’s feet and allowing the magnificence of His beauty inspiring awe and worship. This week as I was preparing for the sets I had to lead, I was suddenly faced this frustration of feeling lost and confused. The decisions I made were because I had to decide something, not because I felt the leadership of the Lord on me. And the realization to where I have fallen stabbed my heart with a remorse, an ache. So focused have I been on coming out with a cool sound, introducing the next great song, playing jazzy, Latin, blues, stuff, I forgot about the One behind all of the music, behind all of the words.

Aside from the general issue of pride, I believe this is one of the biggest challenges for every musician, to not become so preoccupied with technical things that you miss the One standing right there waiting for you to invite Him in. Professionalism and excellence are good and I value it all, but I’ve been just convicted of how it can not take precedence of hosting of the presence of God in you, of maintaining that open, pure heart of worship to the Lord. Because ironically enough (at least for me), it is when I’m focusing so hard on playing something appealing to the ears that I mess up the most and end up feeling disconnected from everything, and it is when I embrace the posture of letting go of everything for the sake of encountering God that I can literally feel the Holy Spirit flowing through me and I end up playing the best. I don’t really know where I going with this, but I suppose it is the whole idea of what prophetic musicianship is about, inviting Him in to our music so that we can learn to cultivate His presence through our music.

There have been countless times where I’ve been ready to just give up, never sing again or play an instrument again because I caught up in how I performed, how I compared to others, how my music sounded. But Jesus would always bring to remembrance the truth of what it is all about. it is all about Him. When the music is stripped away, when the song ends, when the sound systems fail, it is all about lifting worship to the One who is worthy to receive all blessings, glory, honor, and praise. It has to be that way. When worship and the prayer room become focused on cool music, catchy tunes, perfectly arranged songs, it seizes to be worship, and becomes something more akin to mere noise. Of course this does not mean that we cast off all professionalism and musical creativity to be more “spiritual”. No, I think that would merely be pharisaical. I feel that the Lord has been speaking to me about truly being a prophetic musician and inviting Him into the musical creativity and inspiration, to delve into the depths and wonders and powers of music with Him rather than in place of Him.

Not quite sure yet about the practical implications of all of this, but what I do know is that  He must take the center place in all of our worship, because it is all about Him, and He is worthy of it all. 

brain dump of the week…

With Shine having the theme of “Jesus, the Ultimate Fascination”, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about who Jesus is and who we see Him as. Because at the end of the day, it all comes down to this question: Who do you say Jesus is?

This was the critical question for the generation of Jesus’ first coming, and it will be equally critical in the generation that approaches His second coming. With so many voices calling Him a prophet, a good man, a God who loves everyone and extends limitless grace, it is so necessary to have that spirit of wisdom and revelation unto the knowledge of God living within. The people of God can not be confused as to who Jesus is. And they can not hold onto a Jesus made up by their own desires. The Jesus that we worship and love must be a revelation of Truth that comes from the indwelling of His Spirit, the abiding in the Truth.

John 15:1-8, 1 John 2:28

“And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming.”

Over and over again, John charges believers to abide in Him, in the Truth, the Light, so that we may have discernment and not be thrown out as we stray to deceptions. What does it mean to abide? I’ve been thinking over this, and so far I think it has a lot to do with, of course, simply walking in His ways and following His commands. But I feel like there is a deeper level, beyond just obeying and submitting to His Words. There needs to be an all-encompassing embracing of Truth and a grafting into Him where Truth, Life, Light, His thoughts, His Words, His Person become your own, and not just a set of rules that are to be followed. Abiding. In Him, and He in you.  

Fascination or even passion isn’t good enough if your picture of Jesus is off. For generations the Jews prayed for, looked for, cried out for the coming of their Messiah. And yet they missed it when He came, completely rejecting Him to the point of screaming for His murder. Why? Because they were looking for a Conquering King, a Lion, and He came the Suffering Lamb. And if we are not careful, we may set ourselves up for that same mistake when He really does reveal Himself as that King of Glory.

We need to be in pursuit of the Holy One, the One who is completely different than any other and who will never fit any mold of our human logic or preferences. When we cry out for wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, we must be ready to embrace all of the Jesus who comes. Abide in Him; integrate yourself into the life and truth of who He is, that you may not be ashamed when He that you claimed to know appears a stranger.

Jesus, You are Worthy!

Sitting in a IHOP-KC Chinese Song of Songs Worship with the Word set (where we take scriptures and sing it to the Lord in worship) focusing on the impact of God’s love upon the human heart, as well as reading the recent blog from my daughter Abigail Shao titled “A senior year well spent”, I am stirred to do what I have done much over the years in private- write my journey in the Lord. Abby you finally drew daddy out of hiding!

Four years ago, one month after having agreed to lead the Chinese Ministry here at IHOP-KC (which was totally an unexpected assignment from the Lord- perhaps I’ll blog that another day) I was given the opportunity to travel with the Onething Team to Hong Kong and Taiwan. I remember mowing the lawn while I dialogued with the Lord whether I was to take this opportunity since I cared about what He thought as well as the honest fact that I was personally anxious about going to Asia with a ministry heartbeat. Somewhere in that internal dialogue I suddenly said to Him “Father, I want to boldly ask that if you send me and Alice, please also give me permission to take at least my two older children (Abigail and Moses). Father if you are giving me a ministry assignment/appointment to Asia, then I ask that it would also be an appointment for the next generation. Father I value the joy of family oriented ministry and I ask that it could manifest in this way” (of course I am paraphrasing to my best remembrance how the prayer went four years ago… this is not the EXACT words spoken then…) Well, it felt as if the Father smiled from His throne and granted my spirit the “permission” that I was asking for and off we went.

To my pleasant surprise, Abigail and Mose were quite fond of the experience in Asia and I sensed a sprouting of a burden taking place in their hearts. This then led to yearly summer trips to Asia with the entire family (including our younger boys Josiah and Nehemiah) where the Lord faithfully showed encouragement through pouring out favor and blessings; one of which is financially providing for us all to fly there. Well, as many of you already know, if you have been reading this blog, God brought the manifestation of my prayer four years ago the summer of 2011 to a level of fulfillment that I did not envision back then. He spoke, in my best discernment, clearly to Abigail and Moses and invited them to partner with Him to serve and build the house of prayer expression of praying church in Tainan, Taiwan. Though standard logic/wisdom might shout “they are too young to be doing this, maybe they are just hearing themselves instead of God, how about their education and future,…the list can go on”, I saw clearly “the wisdom above” (which carried the sense of peace, purity, gentleness, sincerity… James 3:16-17) over this matter and so Alice and I gave them our heart-felt blessings and we sent them off to Taiwan. In Biblical language, I put my two arrows in the bow (Psalm 127:3-5), stretched the bow with all my heart, pointed at Tainan, and shot them off with a heart feeling the joy as well as the pain…

A few weeks ago (April 2012), I had the opportunity to minister in the city of Kaohsiung,Taiwan speaking on Worship around the Throne of God as described in Revelation 4. Of course, it meant the opportunity to spend time with Abigail and Moses! On the final night of my trip, having faced spiritual battles, seeing the breakthrough of the Lord in power, feeling the exhaustion of preaching and praying for people, I laid in bed in deep thought. I was thankful that God had faithfully brought me through another challenging ministry trip. I was thankful to be able to spent a bit of time with my dearly missed children. I was missing wife and other children in America. I found myself in an interesting dilemma- I was glad to be going home to see family yet leaving Taiwan means leaving family as well. Not matter where I headed, I would be missing family!

In that moment, the tenderness of my heart before the Lord manifested in tears streaming down my face as I lay in bed pondering over the fact that I am leaving Abigail and Moses. I said to the Lord “As much as this is glorious, I have to say this is very difficult as well. My heart is in deep pain. But I know this pain is supposed to be this way because when there is love there is the pain of being separated from loved ones…”. As tears continued to stream (which actually is quite a therapy to the heart) a phrase arose from deep within me saying “But YOU ARE WORTHY! Even though this is hard, even though this means missing out on such glorious times of my children’s life, even though I would love to build the house of prayer together with my children, even though i have to regularly go through rounds of a painful heart, I sincerely say that You are worth it!”. This was not rehearsed, it came forth from deep within; and actually it surprised me as I heard myself saying this out loud. And when these words came out with such deep conviction, more tears erupted as I connected with the dignity of giving Him “glory, honor, thanksgiving, and power…” through this situation. I caught another small, but powerful, glimpse of the impact that keeps beings around the throne declaring “He is Holy, He is Worthy”.

This was not the end. Suddenly, I was surprising awakened to the fact that “He has so touched and drawn me with His love” to the point where I am doing these “crazy” things and saying with sincerity “You are worthy”. Knowing me, there is no way this could be my own effort. I am too week, insecure, selfish, afraid, anxious,… you name it, to be where I am in life and ministry. The Lord has not only answered the prayer for my children to walk with Him, He has answered a deeper cry of my heart “that He would draw me with His love so that I would be empowered to run after Him” (Song 1:4). It’s one thing to feel good that you have accomplished what you believe you can do. It’s way more to suddenly find out you are walking and living in a way that you never believed you could walk in- because you know the supernatural One has done a supernatural work in you. Now the tears are flowing because I am connecting with the reality of the amazing supernatural attractive power of His love and beauty. Wow, this was one of those unique experiences where in one span of continuous time, the tears that flowed unceasing on the external represented deepening degrees of movement at the unseen heart level. Amazing what God can do to the human heart/spirit.

Does this mean “I have arrived” in my journey of spiritual maturity as a Bride of Christ. No! If I am to be honest, there is so much more ground to take. But what I do know and boldly testify, even at this initial stage, is that it is WORTH IT! We were designed to go down this path with our eternal Bridegroom. I am growing in confidence of His love. “Draw me away… so that I will keep running deeper after You”

Well, I used the entire Worship with the Word set writing this. Appropriate because the entire time the team has been singing on the theme of the “kisses of Jesus love”, “hungering for His love”, and “being touched and transformed in His love”…

–
Jess Shao
邵聖光 牧師
Intercessory Missionary
Director, Chinese Ministries
International House of Prayer, Kansas City
www.ihopchinese.org

a senior year well spent

Graduation is coming up, and I’ve never come to face how…odd… my senior year has been quite like I have these past few weeks. A look on my facebook newsfeed brings up pictures of prom, statuses about college acceptance letters, and all around excitement for summer to arrive and, for my fellow seniors, anticipation for the life that follows high school. And there is me, serving on sets in the prayer room, cleaning bathrooms, and putting together harp and bowl protocol and training curriculum. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved my time here and what I have been doing, but every once in a while there is that twinge of “what if” I did have a normal high school existence? Went to the Daniel Academy formal (which looked beautiful by the way), diligently scrambled together to work on college applications and scholarships, lost hours of sleep and peace preparing for finals and projects… But then again, I’ve never been much of one to follow “normal”.

I mean, I’ve always been the good Asian kid who actually enjoyed school, got good grades, but never really wanted to go to college. If you asked me where I went to go (yes, Asian American kids start thinking about this in elementary school) I would say UC Davis simply because both my parents went there, and hey, they turned out alright. But deep down, I don’t think I could really every envision myself going. I still remember sitting in my room one day just thinking about how if I was honest with myself, college really had very little appeal. I can’t quite remember what I was doing, or why the train of thought came up, but I can so clearly hear my little brain finding college to be just too large of an investment of time and effort. Again this is kind of contrary to my nature, since I’m all for hard work and all, but… I just could never see why I would go study something for four years that may or may not play into what I was called to do, or who I was meant to be. I don’t know, perhaps something in me simply seemed to know I was made for something that typical college just wouldn’t be able to prepare me for…

In any case, I didn’t follow the path of the typical American teenager. And now I am coming to the end of my senior year of high school in Tainan, Taiwan. When I stop and say it to myself, I still almost can’t believe it. How in the world did I end up here, doing what I do? Two years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving my parents to live in a foreign country on my own. Four years ago I hadn’t even set foot in Asia. And yet here I am. However it came to be, here I am, right now, sitting on a red couch in the living room of what has become my home. Which just happens to be located thousands of miles of where my family now lies peacefully asleep.

How great is my awesome God! His leadership never ceases to astound me. Human reasoning would have me enrolled in a community college, tackling down my general eds and preparing to apply to some prestigious school. But the wisdom of God has me serving at a local church in a nation barely the combined size of Delaware and Maryland, where my Chinese is improving like crazy, I get to spend 9 hours a week serving in the prayer room, and, essentially, I have a part in raising up the house of prayer in Taiwan.

Every once in a while I get the twinge of “what if”, but just as quickly it drifts away. There are some things I would have liked to do, some friendships I would have liked to more actively held on to, but at the end of the day, I have no regrets. I know that there is no other path I could possibly have chosen that would place me in a state of more confidence, more peace, more joy, and more spiritual growth than the path I have chosen. Why am I sure of this? Because I am confident that He is the One who has led me, and is leading me on paths of righteousness as I move step by step into who I was made to be.

~

There’s a little girl sitting on her bed, swinging her legs, a concentrated wrinkle in her forehead betrays her deep thoughts. She’s thinking about the future, what she wants to do, where she’ll go to school, who she is going to be when she grows up… Suddenly a serene smile, a peace, fills her face. She skips off with the innocent, perhaps naïve, decision that she doesn’t want to go to college after all. Perhaps it was just a child’s escape from things too deep to be dwelled upon; perhaps it was the whisper of Holy Spirit pointing her on the path of freely following Him wherever He may take her.

My Vineyard

Song of Solomon 1:6

“Do not look upon me, because I am dark, 
Because the sun has tanned me.
 My mother’s sons were angry with me; 
They made me the keeper of the vineyards,
 But my own vineyard I have not kept.”

This is my revelation for the week.

On Friday I sat down for awakening service (big, weekly prayer meeting), and ended up crying, for no apparent reason, for quite awhile. I was feeling exhausted, useless, empty, broken, weak, etc. My insecurities and all those familiar lies were attacking with a vengeance. And in my puddle of emotional confusion, as I prayed for some revelation as to what was going on, I felt this verse reverberating in my spirit. And the sudden thought of, “I’m letting myself burn out.” struck me. (and it hurt) I have forsaken my secret place. In my busyness and eagerness to work and minister and serve, my personal garden, my intimacy with the Lord has become overgrown and neglected. I experienced quite sharply that pain of realization of my compromise, my choice of the lesser thing. And in that forsaking of my secret place, I lost sight of His face, and started listening to other voices. As I poured myself into the actions of serving, instead of love for the One I am ministering to, my value and my identity began to shift slowly. My weakness and lack became more apparent, more shameful to me, because my eyes were taken off of glory and fixated on myself and my own abilities. I felt vulnerable and insecure because I was revolving around what I could do instead of who I am in Him. 

The secret place is not just for some nice recharge or feel-good time. It isn’t a happy time of singing nice songs, or a touching moment. It is a lifestyle of being connected to my foundation, my root system. When my vineyard is kept and cared for, my identity, my worth, my motivation, my passion, all fall into place. Because the secret place is where my perspectives, my value systems are molded and developed. But when I lose that connect, when I become caught up in works, all of the above also passes through this perspective of work-based value.

It is a terrifying and dangerous day when the house of the Lord becomes just another work place. It is so easy to get caught up in the cleaning and maintaining and music, etc for sake of each element in it of itself, while losing sight of the reason for it all. Encounter with perfection. Once again I feel like the Lord is tugging at my heart, calling me to the devotion of Mary. To give up the busyness and efficiency of Martha and just simply lavish my devotion upon Him. I can not let myself be drawn out of my garden because of some feedback or ANHOP protocol issues.

My vineyard, my place of encounter comes first. 

It has to be that way. Or I die. Sounds extreme, but in that moment of emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion, that was the conclusion I reached. It has to be HIs beauty, His glory, His grace, or I’m done. There is nothing in me to offer on my own strength. In that moment of such deep clarity into the weakness of my humanity, I felt that cry rise within me, “There must be more than this!”. Because if it is just working day to day, if it is just cleaning bathrooms every week, if it is just playing and singing nice music, than I am done. There must be that connect with eternity. That revelation that I am poor in spirit and need Him. Because I need HIm so bad. I can not do this alone, and I am tired of trying. As is the age-old story with me, I need to be brought back to the feet of Jesus. I need to come back to that one thing that drives me, that one burning desire. Because even when I ignore it, at the core of my being my heart and flesh are crying out for the presence of God. And ignoring that deep ache, that need is going to slowly dry me out and leave me dull and empty.

Someone told me once that there is a unique intensity about me, where I have to give all, surrender everything, run completely abandoned towards Him, or I’ll be off balanced. I guess I’ve been kind of experiencing that feeling recently. I don’t know if I would say that it is unique, but I do know that there is a hunger, a desperation inside to be completely consumed by His holy flame. Because if I’m not consumed, that ache of knowing my wickedness in light of His holiness is going to kill me. 

Jesus, take me to the secret place. 

Pride and Humility

I’ve decided that (when appropriate) I’m just going to continue putting my reflections that I have to write for my intern reports up here, since I’m writing them anyways, I might as well just let you all know what I’ve pondering over. =)

Through various circumstances this week, I have come to face that ugly giant of pride in my life that I so often try to stuff away in some hidden corner. It comes out in different ways at different times, but recently it has been emerging in my fleshly desire for greatness and recognition in the eyes of men. Pastor Matt described it as an insecurity, and it really is. I struggle with a fear of man and desperation for approval in the opinions and thoughts of others towards me. I want to be great, admired and lifted up in the praises of those around me. I want the glory.

In one of my devotion times this week, I was reading 1 John 2:15-17, which speaks of the desires of the flesh versus the love of God.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”

As I meditated and prayed through these verses, I began asking God to reveal to me the dark places in my heart, which brought me to the painful discovery of the fleshly desires I listed above. I secretly “pride” myself in being pretty humble (which, I know is a form of pride in it of itself) and every confrontation with the true condition of my heart brings forth a cry for God to come and purge me of this darkness. The proud will be brought low, and the humble exalted. The loves and desires of the world are passing, but His love remains forever. These truths have been pounding through my spirit these couple days as that ache to be made pure and holy burns within me. I do not want to be one who is opposed by God, I do not want to be attached to that which is fading away. I want to be one who is found leaning completely on my Beloved, I want to be found filled to overflowing with the love of God. For it is only by completely surrendering to Him and His leadership of my life that I can find myself, discover who I am to be and the greatness that I am destined for. Because I am destined for greatness. But it is a greatness and glory that comes from abiding in His will, and bringing blessing, glory, and honor to the One who is worthy of all of our worship.

Humility is a recognition of truth. Truth that tells of the greatness of who God is, and the brokenness of our state in comparison to Him. Truth that surrenders to the thoughts and Words of this God, and pushes aside the feeble clamoring of the world. Truth that recognizes that love of God which is all that will remain, and forsakes all lesser loves and worldly lusts. For what does it matter what another thinks of me, whether it be praise or rejection? I look to the One who breathed life into my form. Why should I care how many people know my name or recognize my works? I appeal to the One who is watching in the secret place. Who am I to seek my own glory and fame? I live to worship and exalt the only One who is found worthy.

Note: sorry if those thoughts were rather scattered… There have been lots of things I’ve pondering over regarding pride and humility, and I don’t think I am quite at the place to be able to articulate them clearly.

Connecting to His heart

Every week we write “reflections” for the week, and I kind of wanted to share my one for this week…

~

Recently I have been thinking over my role as a small group leader, and realizing my need to seriously step it up. When I honestly think about it, I don’t want to spend the time pouring into these girls and trying to draw them out, or at least my flesh doesn’t want to. But then as I sit there looking into these girls eyes and watching them shake their heads as I ask whether they’ve ever encountered the love of God, something sharp and painful moves in my heart. And I have a taste of that longing and ache in the depths of God’s heart to reveal Himself to these precious souls in a way that is deeper than a distant figure of the past who died for their sins. As I’ve connected to that burden there has a been a cry in my heart for His Spirit to break through the blindness and penetrate their hearts. And that cry fills me with a sort of zeal to press through dullness and dryness and be used in any means to impact these six lives. Hearing about the amount of school, piano practice, cram school, and whatever else their lives are consumed with makes me sick inside. All of these girls come from Christian families, and yet it would seem that all their parents care about is preparing them to fit the mold of successful material existence. Their spiritual life is secondary on a long list of other more immediately important necessities. Granted, it is a sort of expression of love in the form of seeking to provide security for their children, but at the same time I just want to scream at them to see that which truly is of worth. I am not so much in judgment of them (or at least I hope not) as much as that cry for me to see breakthrough in these girls’ lives spills over into a cry for their parents to also encounter God and thus see the importance in letting their children surrender to Him as well. I’m not sure if I’m articulating this well, since most of this has been a rush of emotions and mental ramblings of late, but this has definitely been a big thing the Lord has been speaking to me lately. Over the years I’ve spent so much time in prayer for youth to encounter God, contending for the emotions of God’s heart for this generation. But never have I had the hands on opportunity I have now to be a part of that changing of a generation. It may be only a few lives, but I feel deeply in my heart that this is part of how the Lord is calling me right now to live out that which I’ve been so burdened to intercede for. I foresee much frustration and irritation in my near future, but at the same time there is this constant whisper of “it’s going to be worth it.” I know that in that moment when He tears away the veil and shines into the depths of their hearts, the memory of the pain will pale in the light of His faithfulness to break into the human heart.

~

So with all of that being said, I am starting to really understand the frustration of being a youth leader for Asian students. All of the heartache and headache I caught glimpses of from my parents are taking on much more tangible form these days, and it is kind of interesting seeing things in this light. Makes me wonder how I never saw it all before… I guess I was just a blissful little girl relishing in the freedom she had to follow Jesus with everything. I saw and heard, but the reality of what every other kid goes through never really soaked in. Once again I stand in awe of the blessing of the Lord on my life. Praise God for my parents.

Destined for Greatness

This is something that I wrote a couple weeks ago for another blog, and my mom asked me to put it up, so here it is:

Have you ever had a dream? Ever imagined what it would be like to become a world leader or how it would feel to find the cure to cancer? Have you ever felt that longing, that ache for your life to have impact, to actually matter in the course of human history? Every person has this longing to be great, to live out some unique purpose in their life. Why? Because you were destined for greatness.

“Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nation. Then said I: Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth. But the Lord said to me: Do not say, I am a youth, For you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak.” Jeremiah 1: 4-7

Jeremiah chapter 1 tells the story of a young man, just like you and me, who heard the voice of the Lord and began to recognize the calling to greatness in His life. You were formed by the very hands of the Creator of the universe, and as He fashioned your frame He dreamed about who you would be, what you would do to forever leave your mark on human history. From the beginning of time He has thought of you and has made plans for the greatness you would live out by simply being who you were made to be. I will say it again, you were destined for greatness. You have a unique role, a special purpose on this earth that no other human being can fulfill. No one else can do what you were made to do. You have a unique destiny, and you can begin living that out right now. But it is up to you to choose to walk into it. Like Jeremiah, you have to take that step outside of the norm, of the flow that the whole world is following, and into the will of God for your life.

About one year ago, I was faced with this very decision, to choose between what is logical and practical, and what is on God’s heart for me. I was a junior in high school at the time, and had just received my scores back from my ACT, an American college test. I had scored very high, and already received a large stack of letters from various colleges around America encouraging me to apply to their schools and informing of good scholarship programs. But I had a dream, and that dream did not include earning some high honors at a prestigious college. Rather, what my heart longed for was to commit my life full-time to serving God as an intercessor and a worshipper.

However, pressure from those around me caused me to push aside that desire of my heart, and I began walking in the route of what would seem normal and practical. I started looking into options for my senior year, even applying to some junior colleges to began preparation for attending university. But as I drifted from what was God’s plan and my dream,  I lost the joy and life in my heart in looking toward my future. I was in a fog of heaviness and confusion as I felt distant from God’s presence. But one day God broke in with His light into my life, speaking so clearly to me through the life of Jeremiah, and calling me back to the plans He has for my life.

Based on how the world sees things, I should be focusing hard on my studies this year with hopes of achieving great academic excellence. Instead, I’m homeschooling while serving in a church in Taiwan. Based on how the world sees things, I should be planning out how I will get into Harvard or Stanford or something like that. Instead, I’m hoping to wait on college and continue ministering before the Lord here in Taiwan.

The point of my story is not to say that education and academics are bad. In fact, they are really important and even helpful in living out your destiny. The point of my story is to inspire you to live out that destiny, that greatness that the Lord has given you, even if it means going against the flow of what is popular and accepted. You are never too young to begin walking in the plans that the Lord has for you. The journey may seem crazy sometimes, and there will sacrifices that must be made, but His promise is that it will be worth it in the end. You were destined for greatness, but will you dare take that step to walk into your destiny? 

and just for fun, the Chinese translation! =]

你曾經有過夢想嗎？有想像過自己成為世界級的領袖？發明治癒癌症的解藥？你是否有渴望你的生命成為有影響力的並且在歷史上留下一筆？每個人都想成為偉大的, 活出生命中極特別的目的, 為什麼呢？因為你是為了偉大而被創造的。

耶利米1:4-7

耶利米第一章訴說著一個年輕人的故事, 就像你跟我ㄧ樣！聽見神的聲音, 並且明白他的生命呼召就是為了成就偉大！宇宙的創造者造你時, 就夢想你會成為怎樣的人, 你會做些甚麼樣的事在人類的歷史上留下記號。從起初, 祂就想著你, 祂為了你而計畫使你能夠做你自己, 並且活出偉大。我會再說一次, 你是為了偉大而被造的！你有個極特別的角色要扮演, 且你被創造有個極特別的目的, 是任何人都無法完成的。你有個獨特的命定, 而你現在就可以開始活出來。可是是你的選擇去決定是否要走在其中！就像耶利米一樣, 你必須踏出一塵不變, 遠離世界的潮流, 進入神對你生命的旨意。

一年前, 我面對一個非常重要的選擇, 理性和實際的？或神對我的心意？當時我正就讀高二, 剛得到大學入學考的成績, 我的分數非常理想, 並且早已收到許多大學的入學邀請函, 鼓勵我去就讀, 並且提供我極豐富的優渥獎學金, 但是我有個夢想, 這個夢想並未包含就讀於一間高級大學, 得到極高的文憑。我的心渴慕一生跟隨神, 做一個全職代禱者和敬拜者。

然而,身邊的人給的壓力,使我推開心中的渴望,開始走在這世界認為實際道路.高三那一年,我開始在預備要去讀大學,但是當我開始遠離神的計畫和我的夢想,我心就失去喜樂和動力去期待我的未來. 我感覺到我很沈重並且困惑,也覺得遠離神的同在.但有一天,神光照我的生命, 他透過耶利米對我說話,他呼召我回到他對我生命的計畫中.

根據這世界的角度上,我必須焦距在我的課業成就上並且在這上面成功.但相反的,我在台灣服事的同時也是個在家教育的學生,根據這世界怎麼看事情,用甚麼角度,我應該要計畫考上史丹佛大學或類似的大學.反而我把這件事情放一邊,然後在台灣服事神.

我故事的重點不是再說教育不好或學業不好,其實,學業對於你活出你的命定有很大的幫助也很重要,我故事的重點試藥啓發你活出你的命定,活出神放在你裡面的偉大.並且遠離潮流.你不會太年輕去走在神為你預備的道路,這個旅程有時候會感覺很瘋狂,你會需要犧牲,但是最終是值得的.你的命定是偉大的,但是你膽趕走出那一布活出你的命定嗎 ?

Shaoclan6 Family Newsletter – FINALLY! (02.11.2012)

Shaoclan Seasons Greeting: Late Christmas/New Years Newsletter 2011 (click highlighted title to link to our most recent newsletter as of 02/2012 – please wait for a few seconds as it downloads the complete update – THANKS for your PATIENCE!)

Dearest Beloved Family and Friends,

It has been SUCH a long time since I have sent out our family newsletter.  Sorry.

As many of you may know, I am a perfectionist, and without a good chunk of time, and the final project looking the way I have it envisioned, I have a hard time just putting something together (for the sake of putting something together).

Thus, I tried to make it a “Christmas Newsletter” which then turned into a “2012 New Years Newsletter” which in turn became the “Chinese New Year Newsletter” and is now FINALLY our Shaoclan “Seasons Greeting” Newsletter at the end of February!

Thus, I’ve rounded up the WHOLE Shaoclan (even those living far away) to all share a little bit of their lives with you.  And of course, I’ve included TONS of pictures so you can see a glimpse into our lives.

You have all been a KEY part of our lives at some point or another, and have blessed us with your love and support.  We thank the Lord for bringing you into our lives as you have shown us a piece of the Lord, reflecting Him uniquely, that no one else ever could.  Thank you for sharing with us your love and your life.  We love you and praise the Lord for YOU!

We have been so blessed this year – living by His GRACE, strengthened by His JOY, confident in His LOVE and VALUE of us,  surrounded and covered by the PRAYERS OF THE SAINTS, sheltered and protected “under the shade of His Apple Tree” (the newsletter linked above should help to make this apple tree idea make more sense!).

Please take a moment and email me back a little of how YOU are doing so we can connect with you.  And if there is anything we can pray for you about, please send us an email!

Again, thank you for being a part of our lives and partnering with us on our journey with the Lord!

Blessings,

Alice, on behalf of the Shaoclan6

beauty of the wilderness

Imagine what it must have been like to live in the time of the exodus out of Egypt. To live in a the most prestigious kingdom of the time, and to watch its power broken down by might of your God.  To know without a doubt that the hand of the Lord is upon You, leading you out of bondage into the freedom of His law. To witness the greatest wonders that man had never seen before.

As I read through this great drama, this epic of God’s mercy and judgment. I’m filled with such a sense of awe. Even to just ponder over, and picture in my mind what it must have looked like, must have felt like to live through that, blows my mind and stirs an excitement in my spirit. I mean, seriously. What did the pillar of fire and the pillar of cloud look like? What did it feel like? The manifest presence of God, tangible and visible, right before your face. What would that do to the human heart? We aren’t just talking about a glory cloud that kind of fills the room in a nice worship set. (not that I have anything  wrong with those by the way). We’re talking a constant presence of the Lord Almighty that you could see with your own to eyes. Imagine knowing without a doubt that the Great God of Heaven was leading your every step. I get chills just thinking about it. Oh, to behold the glory of God. What would it be like to just sit in front of that cloud, that flame? To just soak in the greatness and majesty of your God. What I wouldn’t give to have a taste of that.

“and behold, the glory of the Lord appeared in the cloud.” Exodus 16:10

Just like that. Boom. And there is the presence of God. The glory of the Holy One. Talking out of a cloud to Moses. How I long to feel the trembling, the awe that must have consumed the spirits of any person present who was alive on the inside. What would that do to a person?

 

And then what about manna? Imagine being fed by the hand of God. Having unidentifiable, other-worldly bread flakes appearing outside your house. And living off of those.

“Morning by morning they gathered it, each as much as he could eat, but when the sun grew hot, it melted.” Exodus 16:21

Melted. Seriously? What does that even mean? Your food appears on the ground, and when you have what you need, it just, melts. Vanishes in the heat. Who is this God who I serve? Why in the world do I subject myself to the lowly entertainment and amusement I am offered, when I can stare at the God who pours out provision on the earth, and causes the excess to melt. Man, it has been a while since I felt the wonder of holy fascination, but I’m definitely soaking it up right now. These stories, these records are something out of a fantasy book. No, they’re more. They are the higher basis where all those cheap imitations have sought to branch off of. Why do I so often feed myself on those broken cisterns? I have a rushing river of glory right in my grasp.

 

Now just imagine what all of that put together was like. Living with the manifest glory of God right there, drinking out of rocks, eating heaven food. (that melted.) Dwelling in the middle of a desert, completely vulnerable and powerless, yet thriving. Utterly dependent on the only One with true strength anyway. Forced to lean into Him, or die. Sounds, glorious right now. How I would love to be in that place. Complete surrender to His faithful leadership, to His perfect sovereignty.

And yet so many hated it. So many would give it all up to be taken back to where they came from. So many would trade the glorious freedom of being completely under His power to the bondage of living for themselves. For man hates to face the complete inability of himself to stand alone. Pride of life screams to have control back. No one wants to admit weakness, to accept defeat and surrender to He who is greater. From the beginning this has been our folly. We want to know. We want to be great. And instead of subjecting ourselves to His ways, which ultimately leads to the only way to achieve full greatness and understanding, we try to get there on our own. By taking a bite of an apple a serpent tells us will make us equal to God, by choosing to go back to Egypt with all of its glamour and comforts, by fighting our own way through this life and leaving a trail of destruction behind. That feeling of vulnerability, the nagging reality that we are ultimately incompetent. We just can’t handle it. And so to remedy it, we run from and push aside the Truth in hopes of making it disappear by ignoring it. But it doesn’t work that way. Rather, in the ignoring of that blaring truth, we carry ourselves farther and farther from the only way to stop being weak and broken. By rejecting it, it just gets truer and bigger. And this isn’t just about some million people Israelites who wandered in the wilderness, because He leads each and every one of us to our own wilderness of sorts. I am definitely included. And to be blunt, so are you.

I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this, or if any of that makes sense, but I guess I am just being struck with the beauty of the wilderness, and how unfortunate it is for the one who runs away from it, or grumbles all the way through. To be brought to that place of complete nakedness before Him and complete reliance on His strength, and to emerge leaning on my Beloved. That is my cry, my desire. I want to go through the trial and testing, the fire, and emerge refined and pure. That same root of pride that screamed out against God on the journey out of Egypt is living in me, too, and I want it out. How I long for that day of dwelling perfectly in His glory and having no compromise in my heart.

 

Come, oh, north winds. Bring me to the wilderness God, for only there can we be made one. Only there can my heart become yours.

 

This was the result of a weird, whirlwind thing I was in while reading my Bible in the prayer room, so sorry if there is a lack of coherency. =]